In the beginning , there were trees. Alot of them. Fortunately , none of them were bigger than six inches
across, and most were half that.
"This is gonna be a snap.". I thought as I pullled out my 'hand me down' 14 inch Poulan chainsaw. I now know that voice
that spoke inside my head that day. That was the voice of inexperience.
As I started cutting a path through this tree choked wonderland. I quickly learned my first lesson. The trouble
with "small" trees is that all the branches are close to the ground. And if its cedar (as most of them were) they have the
added benefit of being dense and prickly. I often had to resort to hacking my way into reach of the trunk, Cutting the tree
as close as I dared to the ground, then stripping the branches (we're keeping the cedar for fenceposts).
Lesson two. Rocks and saws dont mix. Alright I already knew this. I mean I live in the woods. It wasnt my first time
with a saw. but what I didnt realize was that a rock is magnetically attracted to a running chainsaw. I could clear the area
of rocks where I was cutting, and as soon as the tree was down, and I started trimming branches. A rock would appear
from nowhere to dull my saw for me. After several resharpenings and one trip to our local Wal-Mart for a new chain. I had
the brilliant Idea of trimming the limbs that I could reach while the tree was still standing. Which lead to...
Lesson number three. Or as I like to call it. "Learning to Dance". When choosing to cut your limbs while they're
still on a standing tree. It's Important to remember that the tree may be a highrise condo for all manner of life forms. Now
I'm no more squeemish about our crawling and slithering earth partners than the next guy. But it's my opinion that clothing
is reserved solely for humankind. Particularly if I happen to be using the article of clothing at the time. So when I cut
a limb and it drops on my head and shoulders, and then feel its former occupant setting up residence in my shirt,
or worse , shorts. I'd like them OUT. post haste. It's unnerving not to know what exactly it is that your sharing your
clothing with. My fertile imaginiation can run wild. So in one quick lesson I learned the basics of the "bug
dance". Which involves a certain flailing of arms and contortions of the body which usualy ends with the person backing
up to the tree they're working on and trying to smash the offending crawler between your body and the tree. I was tremendously
happy when winter set in and the bug dance was no longer necessary.
CURIOUS FACT: Did you know? No matter how hard you shake a cedar tree that is covered in snow. The tree will purposely
save just enough snow to defend itself . It will wait until it feels the first touch of the saw and dump its entire
reserve upon your head
COMPLETE FICTION: I've always heard that ticks do not like cedar. If you have alot of ticks, spread some cedar around.
This is a heinous lie. I can tell you that ticks are not bothered by cedar one bit. Infact, judging by the amount of ticks
gathered on my persons while cutting the driveway. I'd say its the exact opposite. Ticks love cedar.
Before(left) and after
Finally, after six months, and four thousand trees. We finally had a driveway. Twelve feet wide and a quarter mile
long. I couldn't wait to actually drive to our property. Previously all that we could get there was what we could
pack in. Now finally the building could begin.
I packed up the Mrs in our old two wheel drive Chevrolet, and off we went. The truck did fine bouncing over the
stumps and rocks, plowing through the stumpholes and creeks, and we in short order had a vehicle sitting on our building site.
What a feeling of accomplishment I had. After a few minutes of savoring the moment and planning our next step. We decided
it was time to come home. We hopped in the truck and headed back up the driveway. Halfway up we promptly got stuck. I dont
mean a little stuck I mean "STUCK". With all capital letters and multiple exclamation points. We tried every trick we knew
to get the truck out without hiring a tractor to pull it out. Jumping on the wheel wells to bounce it., prying it out with
our new cedar poles, jacking it up and cramming everything we could find under the tires. nothing worked. The truck kept getting
lower and lower until finally the truck was resting on the frame. At which point I tried my last ditch effort by briskly applying
a cedar pole to the TOP of the truck in hopes of either frightening it out of its condition or beating it out. At which point
the Mrs had had enough and we walked home.
In the morning I drove down to town and bought a "come-along winch". If your unfamiliar with this tool. It is a
hand powered ratchet action winch. You hook one end to whatever needs to be moved and the other too something solid. In our
case a tree. However when we got to the truck we noticed two things. One. we didnt have enough cable on the winch to reach
a tree, and two. The truck was partially under water. We found the latter somewhat odd seeing as we hadn't had a rain the
night before. But we decided to overlook it for the moment. Then a second trip to town to borrow extra chain from my
employer so that we could reach a tree to pull the truck out. I'll not get into the specifics of the truck dragging. Other
than to say that pulling a three thousand pound truck out of the mud with a ratcheting cable is both time consuming and physicaly
exhausting.
The reason for the water? Apparently, all that tire spinning and rut making opened a spring in the middle of the
driveway. End result. that part of the driveway had to be moved. (Joy of joys. I could hardly contain my glee at the prospect.).
As the alternate title suggests. I have learned that this is the wrong way to make
a driveway. The right way? you ask? Hire someone with a bulldozer to clear a path. If anything breaks down, tears up,or gets
stuck . Its their problem, not yours. It would have also been done 3 months sooner, had I chose that option. I could
have gotten an earlier start on....(cue ominous music.) The site clearing and prep.
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the stuck truck
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| Using the "come-along" |
Two views of the stuck truck. Notice the very wet ground in the front view. The result of the new spring.
This article contributed by Brian Jett.
