You want it where? That was the first thing I thought when me and the Mrs. went searching for the perfect spot to build. I realized we had entirely different priorities on where our “dream home” should be located.

I also learned something at this time that I always suspected but never had concrete proof. I married a hermit.

Now I’m all for privacy. I like my space. I have no desire to live in a subdivision where I can pass an egg to my neighbor through the kitchen window. But I figured that wouldn’t be a problem with forty acres in the middle of nowhere. We discussed what would make an appropriate site to build on .ie.. Flat as possible . Which for us and our fellow Arkansans, isn’t exactly what most people would call flat. Any truelly flat property is most often of a vertical nature. Usually called a bluff, or even a cliff elsewhere in the world. Hence the addition of the “as possible” bit.

  For example. When the Mrs. And I first started looking for property. We contacted one of the local realtors. We described what we had in mind. Twenty plus acres, with water. Preferably a creek that stayed running year round. (Partly for the dogs mind you. They have a thing for water.), secluded but not a hundred miles from civilization. The realtor said she had just the place we were looking for. It was about 10 miles from town and the property sloped down to the Strawberry River. It had, she said. A good level building site also. We got all excited and took off to look at the property. Well It‘s a good thing the realtor went with us. Because I would have never found it going by her description. First off. That was the longest two miles of dirt road I’ve ever been on. Her odometer must only count every second or third mile. And the “slope” started at the road at about forty-five degrees .about three quarters of the way to the river it got steep. Sorry. I mean STEEP!!. You would need repelling lines or an elevator to get to the water. The level building site. Was a one fifth acre triangle where the property crossed the road. I often wonder why a realtor will lie to your face when your going to find out the truth as soon as you lay eyes on what they’re peddling.

Maybe they actually believe the BS they’re slinging I don’t know. Whichever the case. We slowly started to learn the lingo they were using. Sloping ( big freakin hill), Rustic (house made of tarpaper in the middle of nowhere). Water on the property (big mud puddles when it rains). Year round water (drainage problems).

In fact we had one realtor who told us there was water on the property we were going to look at. It was a swimming pool. Why not just say it has a pool? I happen to like swimming pools. I like them a lot better than being mislead.

Anyway. We were lucky in that the Mrs.’ uncle wanted to sell his property. It was actually the property we were judging all the others by. It has two creeks one is year round the other dries up in high summer but there’s a couple small springs that seep even then. So we were more than happy to snatch it up before anyone else in the family got wind of it. There’s even an old homesite with a foundation already there from a house that had burned there years ago. Call me superstitious , or maybe stupid.

  Superstitious, because I think its asking for trouble to build a house where one has burned . I have no proof that this is in anyway factual, other than having seen more than one house burn at the same location. And stupid, because if we would have used the old foundation we’d have a finished house by now.

  So off we went to look for a suitable site on our new property to build our dream house. Dream house also has a specific meaning for  the Mrs., and I .It means we own it.  Now, as I mentioned the Mrs. has definite hermit tendencies. So the first site she selected was at the very back of the property. I’ll admit. It was flat, and it wasn’t overgrown terribly. But it also would have meant building another quarter mile driveway. Which would have crossed two creeks., and a marsh . After building the driveway (last months article). I had no desire to forge that far into the woods. The spot I selected was in the field across the first creek . Which is basically where our property starts. I don’t remember what actually was wrong with that spot by her standards but it was nixed. We eventually met halfway. Across the second creek, before the marsh. Which is much more scenic than either of the other two spots, and has just enough slope to aid in drainage. Theres that word, "slope". Only it's the generaly accepted by most reasonable thinking people version, not the generaly accepted realtor version.

 I might also add that we recently had our “hundred year flood“. Even though its only been thirty years since the last one. And both our original spots were mostly underwater. Where as the compromise site wasn’t. So we chose well . Even though we would have been stuck at home. Because of the raging torrents, which were formerly creeks.  At least we wouldn’t have been waiting on the roof for the water to subside.

 The compramise site is also very near (but not too near) the old original home site. Which had the added benefit of having had a driveway to it previously, if we could find it. Which I couldn’t. To make the new section of driveway. I basically just drove my truck in the general direction of the second creek crossing and cut down any trees that I couldn’t drive around. Thankfully, it was quick work. I recently have, however stumbled on the old driveway. While I was cutting trees to use for the house. I missed that old driveway by 10 feet. However there was considerably less growth to remove where I went so it worked out.

 So now we had a place picked out. And a usable road to it. All that was needed was for me to clear it. I think I see a pattern developing. I see trees in my nightmares. Waiting patiently for the tree slayer to arrive, saw in hand. A grim look of determination on his face, and a hollow look in his eyes. I have become…The Tree Reaper.

“Please sir.” .The trees beg. “Don’t kill me. I have a spore mate and thirty seven saplings” .

 But I have my duty. If they wanted to live they should have had the good sense to sprout elsewhere. But even though they foolishly grew right where I wanted to build. There is one thing that can still save them from the dreaded saw. A small piece of yellow bailing twine tied around a branch or trunk.

 For those marked by the “Matron of the Forest” by a twist of yellow twine. Have been declared off limits by said Matron. Theres many reason she may place a string upon a certain tree. She may have taken a liking to its position ,or shape, or may just see some use in its future. But whatever the reason its not for me to know most often. I'm not always privy to the inner workings of the Matrons mind. But it's not required to understand.Only know, Yellow twine equals no cutting.

And I as a dutiful husband will honor the yellow string. Unless I can figure out a reason that particular tree HAS to go, or the string falls off. If the string falls off. I figure  "a Higher Power" has intervened, and judged the offending tree unworthy.